Talking it Out; Making Things Better
The first time Justin visited the Counseling Center at Family & Children Services’ Battle Creek office, he shifted nervously in his chair, kicking its legs with the back of his shoes. He refused to make eye contact with the therapist who plied him with gentle but firm questions.
“You seem very angry,” she nudged, “and I understand you have been hitting other children at school. Can you tell me why you are angry, Justin?”
“I dunno, I just am,” he mumbled.
Justin’s increasingly angry outbursts at his elementary school had resulted in a phone call from the teacher to his mother, and from his mother to Family & Children Services. Treena and Darren’s often contentious marriage had recently ended with his father’s pronouncement that if Treena didn’t like the way things were she could move out. Treena, seven-year-old Justin, and his two younger siblings had moved to a cramped apartment in a different neighborhood where he was enrolled in a different school. Since the separation he spent every other weekend with his dad.
Besides the acting out at school, Justin had begun hitting his little sisters and yelling hurtful words at his mother.
Despite the discord, Darren agreed to be part of therapy if it would help his son. The therapist sometimes met individually with Justin, Treena or Darren, other times with the parents, and sometimes with all three. The goal, she emphasized, was to help Justin find healthy ways to manage his anger and in order for him to do that, his parents needed to understand how their own words and behavior affected their son. Treena said Justin always behaved worse after being with his father. Darren didn’t think Justin was as angry as Treena “makes it out to be.” Getting the adults to vent their frustrations so that cooperation could begin was a necessary step in helping their son.
Gradually, Justin began to open up. “I don’t like where we live…I miss my friends… I want my mom and dad to be together…” and then, the words that confuse many children of divorce, “It must be my fault
Using play therapy to teach Justin how he could release emotions safely while also encouraging him to express his feelings appropriately, the Family & Children Services therapist saw the boy improve. She consistently reinforced with Treena and Darren that their own use of healthy alternatives to anger would be good for the entire family. Relationships were strengthened.
“Justin knows now that choices made by adults – his dad and I -- are out of his control and are not anything for which he can be blamed,” said Treena. “He is doing worlds better in school and at home. I am glad that I made the call to Family & Children Services. It is a comfort to know if I have a question, I can pick up the phone and call. We can make it now.”
* Names and nonessential details have been changed to protect client confidentiality.
